I've been thinking, lately, about what it means to be seeking something. It seems as though everyone is, at all times. Whether seeking companionship from a SWF 18-45 in the newspaper, adventure in a foreign country, or comfort in the arms of someone they love, every person has some need they are trying to fill.
For me, the choice to study abroad promised fulfillment in several areas: enlightenment through another culture and people, excitement in a new experience, education in the form of language immersion, and independence in choosing my own path. Now, this final aim seems ill-suited to my theory of everyone needing someone. At root, independence is weakening ties to any single individual, while increasing reliance on oneself and the kindness of strangers. And perhaps this is the most consuming need there can be.
The paths of people wander and twist, and you never know when your path and those of the people you love will diverge (or converge, but that's less traumatic). When they do, the transition can certainly be rough. At this time in our lives, especially, these changes come harshly and regularly, as we watch our chosen family of friends going through major life transitions, unusual in life before (or probably after) college. The independence previously felt from living away from one's family is replaced with the realization of just how dependent we become on the people with whom we surround ourselves. This dependence is human, it is normal, and it is painful.
I suppose the independence I seek is from these hurtful transitions. I hope to reasonably distance myself emotionally from my changing world, as to minimize the impact such changes have on me. As I seek this freedom, I expect to acquire a deeper appreciation for the time I do have with special people, regardless of how brief and transitory, of friend or stranger. It is in this appreciation that I hope to find peace in a tumultuous world, the deep peace of faith in humanity and of confidence that there are beautiful people everywhere.
...Or maybe I'll just take out a personal ad.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I Totally advocate taking out a personal ad. you have some good points when it comes to the concept of choosing your own path. I totally agree with the whole reliance on strangers point because everyone should be willing to help out others to a point it'd make things much friendlier. I do disagree with the emotion point, and as i listen to toad the wet sprocket, i think the thought emotion tells me the changes happening to me matter. but with that I should get out of my car and go inside.
Eh. I don't know. The convergences and divergences (I am incapable of spelling words correctly) are what I'm looking for. That's what life is made of... and when I decide that those things are too painful, I have nothing left.
Post a Comment