I'm not generally a person with self-esteem issues. I'm proud of who I am, what I do and have done, and what I believe, and I have no problem telling people that. As long as it's in English.
This past week, I've been really noticing my ups-and-downs of confidence with my language skills. I think it was sparked dually by a conversation with MW about the varying levels of Spanish among students in our program and one with CE, who has been pushing me to use fewer tonal question marks when speaking. But now that I'm more aware of my confidence, little issues with it abound.
For example, I'm comfortable talking to Chileans that are in my daily life, including, presumably, my professors. Yet, when I had a question about the upcoming test in my religions class, I was practically shaking when I approached the profe after class. Worse still, it was obvious to him: he put his hand on my arm and smiled as gently as a gruff 60-year-old scholar who had just yelled at another student possibly could. Today, I had to get copies of some texts from my theater class (students don't use textbooks here, they make photocopies of selections prepared by the profesors so as to save money). The woman at the counter told me my copies cost $535, so I gave her $1.050 so I would get a $500 coin (a very convinient denomination) in change. She handed me $15... AND I ASSUMED I WAS WRONG. As I was walking away wondering if I had heard or understood incorrectly, she realized her mistake and called me back for the rest of my change.
So the question is, what do I do about it? I'm practicing as much as I can, but I'm apparently still not comfortable enough to be assertive when necessary. I'm also slightly nervous that confidence transforms easily into American Ego, something I certainly want to avoid here and always. Advice, anyone?
1 comment:
I had the same problem when I was studying abroad...and honestly the whole lack of confidence in my Spanish still hits me at the most inconvenient times, even though I've been living here for more than two years now.
My advice for you is to just throw yourself into situations that make you nervous on purpose. It's not fun, but it works. For instance, I totally suck at talking on the phone on Spanish. But when I was planning my wedding down here and needed to get estimates from a million different catering companies I had to call pretty much everyone in the phone book. Now that that's over, I feel like I can call anybody and I don't get worried or nervous anymore.
It gets better...don't worry. Practice and time are all you need.
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