Algunas lagrimitas

So here's the lonely Thanksgiving post long in the making:

It's hard to be away from family during the holidays, but harder, I think, for the very first time. I feel homesick for pistachios in front of the Macy's parade, crowding the kitchen with the rest of my family, being in charge of the dishes I'm always in charge of, the smells of butterflake rolls, apple pie, stuffing, and turkey, goofy toasts with sparkling cider, sappy I-am-grateful-for questions, Christmas music for the first time of the season, eating baby gerkin pickles all day, making fun of my mom's cooking frustrations, reading the ads for Black Friday, homemade cranberry sauce splattering itself all over me while it's cooking, candles, fuzzy sweaters, taking Shadow for a walk before dinner, eating pumpkin pie all night, cool whip topping, my dad watching the football game on mute, my brother hiding in and out of his room, my sister getting pretty for dinner, my mom's caring cooking, being barefoot and pajamaed over the frosty grass to get the paper in the morning, making my list of gifts to buy, smashed potatoes, putting the marshmallows in the sweet potatoes with my brother and sister, drinking tea all day, my favorite foods that my parents always buy when I'm coming home, the rush to see my Spokane friends for as much time as possible during a long weekend, Christmas decorating, watching Miracle on 34th Street, never doing the homework I intended to get ahead with, Starbucks on Pines and Sprague with my friends, the special holiday drinks at Starbucks, arguing over the perfect weekend to get a Christmas tree with my family, turning the heat up too high in my bedroom, my mom making my bed before I get home from Willamette so my room isn't a total disaster, eating leftover everything for breakfast, fighting over the best leftovers, and relaxing where I'm most comfortable.

Last year, NR came for dinner with my family. I miss his snuggles and company.

All of the homesick loneliness for Thanksgiving is made stronger than it should be. It's finals week, and I'm stressed and busy. It's one year since Logan's accident, and I miss him and all the people who miss him with me.

I know that these emotions and frustrations are shared by many people away from home and family this Thanksgiving. To all my friends and family, at home and all over the world, I love and am grateful to have you in my life. You're on my mind these days, and in my heart for always.

(I also promise a more cheery post next time)